While conducting this personal social experiment (that could be an oxymoron), I have learned something very important about myself. I’ve had a sneaking suspicion of this self-factoid most of my life, like the fact that, in middle school, I began keeping every birthday card and letter I was given in a yellow cardboard Hecht’s box and only just sorted them and put them into something more permanent last year when the Hecht’s box disintegrated , or that in college I wrote all of my major term papers the hours before they were due. You are probably thinking that my personal epiphany was that I am lazy, and this is a popular conclusion with people I am close to, but no. My layers are more intricate than that. My revelation has been this: I tend to not do things, unless they are absolutely necessary.
While cleaning my bike* in my backyard on Friday, I was distracted by the conversation on the other side of the fence. My neighbors are 3 guys and a girl (or 4 guys– I’m not totally sure) who work together at Blockbuster. They are in their late 20’s, had no desire for higher education, and spend their days drinking and smoking something in the backyard to stave off the stress of becoming obsolete as soon as Netflix, Redbox, and Hoolu are finished taking over the world.
This is what I heard:
Guy #1: I would totally have an element in my blood that made me immune to pain.
Guy #2: That’s stupid. I would have the power to go invisible and would use darts with neuro toxins for weapons.
Guy #1 shouts: You are such an eff-tard! The gravity factor in the 9th Vortex would slow your damn darts down, so they wouldn’t be able to pierce paper! Dude. You’re an idiot.
Guy #3: Heh heh. *belch*
Guy #2 mutters: Oh. Yeah. Well, I’d still want to go invisible. And I would totally have an aircraft with a ring of blades around the outside that could cut through steel.
(They used words like “Stormcatcherising”, “Ugalgamoth”, and other crap I didn’t understand and find too foolish to recant here.)
I shook my REAL head and walked my REAL self, which could feel pain and was visible no matter what, back inside and shut the REAL door. Feeling validated as a totally normal person, I spent a moment classifying those fellas into a category reserved for people who collect thousands of baseball cards and have only been to a handful of games, or who spend hours playing Farmville and have never touched a vegetable attached to a plant in their life. Then, it sort of dawned on me that we all do something similar. That, while I don’t play World of Warcraft (or whatever), do not mend imaginary fences so the pigs don’t get out, nor get heated when discussing things that don’t exist, I do get passionate about the way I want things to be, which is probably the same thing. The things I want, the things this journal is about, are things that don’t exist yet, and it’s up to me to make them real, which is a huge challenge, since, as mentioned, I don’t always take on tasks until they’re imperative in some way.
So, that’s where I am. In need of 3 motives for being kinder, thinner, and published, since personal fulfillment doesn’t seem to turn me on. I’m opening the floor for comments, suggestions, and butt-kicks. Give it to me.
*I was cleaning my bike in the hopes that it’s readiness would get me back on it, since it is a favorite means for exercise and a huge stress-reliever for me. That was Friday. This is Monday. Get the picture?