Baffles of the week: Friday Round-up v.2


Alright, so I’m not going to be consistent with these Friday updates, obviously, but who’s surprised?

Here are a couple of my double takes from the week (last week- -when I didn’t write a darn thing).

1.       Hot Yoga Breather Cheaters

I was indulging in my weekly (as weekly as my posts…) hot yoga torture ritual, and hazarded a glance to between my knees and to the back of the room after striking a pathetic downward-dog pose. I always like to check out what other sorts of people, beside the svelte faux-chested ladies that can wear their thighs like a tiara, attend the class. In addition to myself, I take note of which thing is not like the other.

As I am lifting my derrier to the heavens, and sneaking a peek, I’m surprised to see a feeble and withered looking gent with a shocking amount of hair all over his chest and back, and then I notice a tube coming from somewhere and linking to a large bottle-ish thing on the floor beside his mat. For a moment, I thought he had himself intravenously hooked up to a Camelback to stay hydrated, which I thought was weirdly clever, and then I realized that it was running to his schnoz. The hose was seriously long. I wondered if he knew that we were not going to running laps around the room at any point.

Some of you may think, “Wow. Kudos to an emaciatedand clearly unwell man schlepping an oxygen tank with an extra long hose so as not to interrupt his extended warrior pose,” but not this girl. As I heaved and sopped my way through an hour of torture, inhaling stale, 115 degree air, I contemplated whether he would be offended if I asked,

“Namaste, good sir. Does that tank there blow cool air for you, and if so, does it come in colors other than black?”

2.       Foam Caesar’s and Minimum Wage Worker Enthusiasm

I was making my weekly run to the ABC store for tequila when   When driving to the store the other day, I drove past a shopping center where a Little Caesar’s had just opened. (I had no idea anyone still ate their food). Out by the road was, I assume, a Little Caesar’s employee, bedecked in a huge foam costume depicting that fat Caesar guy with the nose that blends straight into his mouth. He was rocking out to some inaudible tune, waving a sign about cheap pizza and guaranteeing its goodness.

 I thought for a moment about what circumstance I would need to be in to be convinced to put on a suit and dance in public with apparent excitement for dough, sauce and cheese, but came up with nothing beyond a cocaine habit that needed funding, and even that was only plausible because there was a costume involved that would ensure anonymity.

But, THEN…

I drove a few more feet and there, beside the road, in khaki pants and a polo with the pizza joint’s logo, was a second employee, ALSO rocking out to invisible tunage, for no apparent reason. No costume. Same side of the road, so it wasn’t like he was catching rush hour in the other direction. Just a man. Pop and locking his heart out on the Parkway. I could think of nothing a manager could have said to convince this guy to get crazy on the roadside for pizza with no mask when there was a similar fool 15 feet away. And yet, there he was.

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6 Comments

Filed under (semi) Weekly Baffles

6 responses to “Baffles of the week: Friday Round-up v.2

  1. Amy

    oh man, i have missed far too many of your posts lately. i have not ever done hot yoga, but i was still laughin my a** off about the oxygen. hilarious

    • Glad you could still appreciate the post, and you should consider hot yoga. There’s nothing as horrible and wonderful. Thanks for sharing that video, btw. I couldn’t watch all 17 minutes without feeling that same sense of exclusion, but I get the gist. 🙂

  2. As a fellow hot yoga go’er, I was laughing my a** off at your post. God, what I wouldn’t do for a hit of 100% O2 somedays…

  3. Aimee

    Abi,
    All I have to say is that you and I have thought very similar things before…and the Little Caesar’s man always bugged me. This past summer, I actually just had to know what would make someone do this job. Behold, when I approached the giant styrofoam mold of a man – inside was a thin girl, a college student with a few tattoos and piercings. I had to ask what made her take the job and she told me she could stand or sit or dance and no one knew it was her…she said she liked to dance like no one was watching. As I walked away pondering the quote I’ve heard so many times, ‘sing like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching, and love like you’ve never been hurt…blah blah blah’. The young girl yelled out to me that it didn’t hurt that her starting pay was $3.00 higher than that of the employees who had to work inside with the hot ovens making the pizza or cleaning the bathrooms. You know what…I guess I’d rather dance like no one was watching too 🙂
    Thanks for your blog…love it, love you!
    xoxo

    • AIMEE!!! This is like the moment in the movie “Amelie” (my fav movie), when she discovers that the ghost who is leaving torn pictures of himself in the trash at the photo booth is actually no ghost escaping his own face at all, but actually the photo booth repair man. You’ve puledl up the Statue of Liberty’s skirt for me. Thank you!

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