I spent the majority of this week languishing in mild temperatures and breathing deeply of the subtle notes of fall that are beginning to populate the air. Working and writing from home, often mean that I am home too much, but this week, there was no place I wanted to be more than our screened in back porch. There were 2 days, I’ll admit, that I was in my lounge clothes (read: pj’s) until 4pm. I’m much more productive when not hampered by silly rituals, like getting dressed. I was able to write a significant chunk of my book this week, so I have not an ounce of regret regarding my circulation for the week.
When I was out, however, I was reminded of two things that baffle and annoy me. I realize I may alienate the lot of you, but I must be true to my knee jerk reactions.
1. Married People with Children
There are many, many bullets I could throw under here, but today I will stick with the one that relates directly to me. Most folks in my peer group are married and have 2+ babies at this point. Those folks are both the first to ask when I’m going to settle down (which to me sounds like I’m bouncing of the walls, screeching at inappropriate times, and peeing on furniture), and they are the first to lament their married status and say things like, “I wish I was still single!”, when I report on a recent trip, or night out. This is confusing me. You’re sending mixed signals.
2. Girls who Alooongate and Place EmphAAAsis on the Wrong SylAAAbles and Still Want to be Taken Seriously
I was dining at an old local haunt, the New Belmont. Our server was intent on giving a convincing impression that she was clueless/uninformed/unable to think for herself. This amused me greatly when two iconic figures pulled it off– thank you, Cher and Dion- -but it didn’t have the same affect when this sweet young thing waffled on what beers were and were not still available, and such. Granted, it was her first night, but instead of saying simple things like, “Not sure- let me run and check,” we heard instead, “Weeeeellllll, don’t hAte meee, buuUt, I am NOT suuure-ah.” Her intonation made me sad, for a few reasons.
One- I planned on being there for at least an hour, and knowing my limit for annoying sounds, I was worried that my ears may begin to bleed, or I might break my kindness pact (which is biting my tongue) and say, “Sister, you can’t be without-a-clue AND talk like you’re freshly plucked from the Valley. It’s overkill. Especially since you live in Norfolk (Naw-fuhk), where we expect ding bats to say things like ‘ya’ll’ and ‘gosh’. This is not working for me.”
Two- My dining partner did not notice, which tells me that men don’t necessarily pick up on affected deer-in-headlights nubile diction.
Three- I don’t think she’s alone in her wonky dialect, and I’m afeared that they’ll start printing dictionaries and such. The words in it will be the same as a normal dictionary, but the vowels will all be long.
Upside? I’m working to remove “like” from my vocabulary, totally.